"See Ya Korea…"
Congratulations to vagina and cigar enthusiast, Bill Clinton for getting Laura Ling and Euna Lee freed from a North Korean prison. The two journalists who work for Al Gore’s Current TV were accused of entering North Korea illegally and sentenced to hard labour.
Now, that it’s all over it seems like only a handful of questions remain:
Are there enough Asian actresses out there to portray the two women for the inevitable LifeTime TV network’s movie of the week?
They (Ling and Lee) were accused of entering the country illegally. Really? Really? Illegally? Really? This is like saying, "I only put the tip in..." Who wants to do that?
Why did Clinton do it? What was his angle? Have you ever driven your hot neighbour to the airport or bought girl scout cookies while on a date? Exactly. He was already pulling, Steve McQueen in a sensitive cardigan amounts of tail for being the President and now that he’s essentially, Batman, women will be powerless before him.
"Kane is Able…"
Way to go Patrick Kane. Way to add a level of “douchebaggery” to the NHL that was once the dominion of the NBA, Cincinnati Bengals and guys with barbed wire tattoos.
Chicago Blackhawks “Jesus with a wrist shot” sniper, Patrick Kane has been arrested for slugging a cabbie in the trendy downtown area of Buffalo NY. Kane and his cousin were arrested over a dispute involving not getting back .20 cents form a fifteen dollar cab ride. One can only ask the following questions:
Buffalo has a “trendy, downtown” area?
In Kane’s defence he thought there was a Buffalo Head Nickel in there?
Will it be a 5 minute major or 10 minute misconduct.
On the positive side. If Kane does any time next year then I guess that solves the Blackhawks upcoming cap woes.
Time Traveling. For Chicks?
Once upon a time the domain of time travel was strictly for murderous cyborgs and mid 80's sitcom stars. Well, hold onto your flux capacitors because, "The Time Travelers Wife" is about to debut with the girl from The Notebook (weepy) and some sensitive dude. Crap! Is nothing sacred?
Here's some deleted quotes from the cutting room floor...
Sensitive Time Traveler Guy (STGG) - "Why don't you go temporally displace me up some nachos.."
STGG - "But, Honey... Future you is all abot a threesome with your old college roommate"
Online Dating
Well, I’ve jumped into the interesting and quite frightening world of online dating. Here’s my general impressions:
Every woman wants you to know that she “wants a good guy with a sense of humour and common beliefs…” Shouldn’t that be a given? I mean, I’ve yet to see a profile for a guy that would describe himself as inherently evil.
“Have you met, “Kevin? He’s a Despot bent on world domination and controlling the weather. He has the heads of tax collectors and Jehova’s Witnesses on stakes outside of his compound as warnings to those that oppose him. We really share a love of smooth jazz and old movies.”
Is Hitler on Match.com?
I also noticed that a lot of women put photos of themselves on their profiles along with their cats. I’m no expert but if you really want to lure the boys in then show yourself holding a pie and bacon. Trust me, if a guy messages you to compliment you on your cats.. He’s about to become your gay best friend.
Finally, if you don’t like my sexual suggestions and erotic poetry then just tell me. I cannot keep the restraining orders straight right now.
Celebrity Couple Nicknames
Alex Rodriguez and Kate Hudson = Ahud? HahnSpahn and the Steroid Kid?
Kathy Griffen and Whoever = Ewwwwwww.
Grimace and Dolly Madison = Who cares. They're deliciously moist.
Mailbag.. Mailbag… Mail…
Dinah Lance of Round Rock, TX wants to know…
Hi Steve,
Do you know anything about Montreal? I noticed that you have mentioned things like French food Les Habitants, and Quebec quite often. We’d like to plan a vacation to Montreal in the winter.
Dinah,
Thank you for your letter. I am unfamiliar with the German language but I will do my best to answer your question.
You definitely want to visit Montreal in the late fall, early winter. It’s a beautiful city and contains all the architecture, style, cuisine that most European cities offer.
It’s far better than it’s supposed rival, New Orleans. Montreal is New Orleans without the stench of urine and fried dough everywhere.
Thanks for writing. I am sending you a bowl of poutine and a recording of me calling the three stars at the old, Montreal Forum
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