Ok, so I got stuck watching, "Twilight 2" tonight and here’s my basic opinion. Somewhere, there’s a Hot Topic store empty of customers and fishnet stockings. I can’t say I am a fan of vampires or vampire lore but I do have a basic tenet when it comes to movies of this ilk. Here’s my usual rating system:
Vampire Movie - Hmmm. I may or may not see it.
Vampire Movie in which there’s a Vampire Hunter, Hunting Vampires - I’ll go.
Vampire Movie with Vampire Ninjas fighting other Ninja Vampires - Go Opening day
Ninja Vampires vs. Ninja Werewolves with Scantily Clad Vampires who may or may not be bi-curious. - Waiting in line overnight.
So, the movie was rather tepid and completely unbelievable; like unicorns or black people who drive Volvo’s but it wasn’t all bad. It got me thinking about this:
Pre Marital Sex Pooh-Pooher Tim Tebow vs. Bi-Curious Vampire, Edward Cullen
Cullen - Taylor Lautner turns into giant, fanged werewolf.
Tim Tebow - Taylor Wyndham comes hard off the right end
Score - Cullen
Cullen - Drinks the blood of innocent, woodland creatures
Tebow - Cuts the foreskins off of innocent Filipino babies
Score - Cullen
Cullen - Abstains from biting the neck of Bella Swan
Tebow - Abstains from doing body shots off of Erin Andrews
Score - Tebow
Cullen - Sparkles when exposed to Sunlight
Tebow - Sparkles when exposed to Sunlight
Score - Draw
Cullen - Has a hot sister who "sees" directly into his soul.
Tebow - Avoids making eye contact with Stuart Scott during College Gameday.
Score - Cullen
Cullen - Afraid of Holy Water, Crosses and Wooden Stakes
Tebow - Afraid of Disappointing Urban Meyer, Vaginas and the 4-3 Zone blitz
Score - Tebow
Cullen - Destiny controlled by a shadowy group of pasty faced blood suckers.
Tebow - The BCS.
Score - Tebow
Cullen - Commands an army of undead, soulless sycophants.
Tebow - Has Rece Davis, Linda Cohn and Mark May on speed dial.
Score - Cullen
Cullen - Possesses Superhuman strength and enhanced senses.
Tebow - Sweet Jump pass and a 22 on the Wonderlic test.
Score - Tebow
Cullen - Must battle evil incarnate for the woman he loves.
Tebow - Faces Nick Saban twice a year.
Score - Tebow
The Winner is Tim Tebow!!!!
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